7 Habits of Highly Effective Teenagers

Thank you so much for your emails with your comments questions so far. I am excited to hear that so many of you think that the 7 Habits of Highly Effective teenagers can provide your child with valuable life skills.


Today I want to share three things with you from the 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teenagers that have helped my family:


  1. 1.     The Emotional Bank Account (EBA)

The Emotional Bank Account is a metaphor for the amount of trust that exists in a relationship. High trust equals high influence, whereas low trust equals little influence. Deposits to the (EBA) build and repair trust in relationships. Withdrawals damage relationships. 


In my busy life I have often found that a week has past and that I have made very few deposits in the (EBA) of my children. This in itself becomes a massive withdrawal and my relationship with them has always suffered during these times as a consequence. My children are much more likely to react, get angry, sulk, withdraw, or rebel when the (EBA) is low. But, when I make the daily deposits to their (EBA) our relationship enters a new level of trust and understanding.


The Biggest Mistakes/Withdrawals I have made with my Teens are:


  • Judging/criticizing/probing before seeking to understand
  • Withholding love due to poor behaviour, not forgiving and apologising
  • Breaking promises
  • Assuming that I understand, and truly not listening at all
  • Not setting clear expectations


To Build a Strong Emotional Bank Account with your Teenagers….


  • Know theircurrency – what constitutes a deposit for you may be a withdrawal from their perspective
  • Be sincere and consistent in your deposits
  • Make small deposits over time to build large account balances
  • Remember that close relationships require more deposits
  • Try not to make withdrawals, if you do, have the courage to apologise


The one single most important thing you can do with your teenager….


Is a weekly offsite one-to-one, where they decide the place, or activity. Your purpose is to emphatically listen, try to understand and build high trust in your relationship with them. A friend of mine takes his daughter out for breakfast once a week – she chooses the restaurant and he listens with his heart, mind and soul. For one of my daughters, it’s a long dog walk in the forest, for the other its anything to do with shopping, or eating Calamari together. For my son, it’s a movie with a drink, or just time hanging out at Café Nero together. The main thing is that we are making deposits to our teenagers (EBA) and building a relationship of high trust.


  1. 2.     Seek to Understand, Then Be Understood 

This is the habit of empathic listening and it has transformed my relations with my teenagers, without it I am in deep water. Think about it, when someone didn’t listen to you – how does it make you feel? Times this frustration by 10 for a teenager.  It is also a huge deposit into their (EBA) when you empathically listen to them without an agenda of trying to fix them.


Tips for using - Seek to Understood, Then Be Understood with your Teen


  • Listen with your heart, don’t try to solve their problem
  • Avoid probing, evaluating, advising, or interpreting
  • Practice the skill of reflecting back their feeling and words
  • Ask clarifying questions that come from their story, not your autobiography
  • Begin with the End in Mind – define your personal outcome from the interaction.
  • Consider the Emotional Bank Account – think of the level of trust in the relationship.


“When you really listen to another person from their point of view, and reflect back to them that understanding, its like giving them emotional oxygen.”

Dr Stephen Covey


  1. 3.     The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teenagers Course for 13 to 17 year olds


I have been working with FranklinCovey, the organisation that Dr Stephen Covey founded and they will be delivering the 7 Habits of Highly Effective teenagers two-day course this August and September in Esher in Surrey.


The course enables teenagers to:


  • Develop Independence
  • Gain greater Control in their lives
  • Improve relationships with friends and family
  • Increase self-confidence and self-esteem
  • Make smarter decisions
  • Define their values and what matters most
  • Raise their aspirations
  • Recognise and prioritise their goals
  • Find balance between school, work, friends and family.


There are three course dates to choose:


  1. 19th and 20th August
  2. 30th and 31ST August
  3. 1st and 2nd of September


I have a special offer for you, the course costs 179.00 pounds and when you book your teen can bring a friend for free.


Places are limited to only 24 teenagers per course.


Booking opens up this Friday the 12th of August, and I will send you a link of how to book online with this offer on Friday morning.


If you have any questions about the course and how it can help your teenager -


Email me on [email protected]


Clinton Lamprecht


England Sports Group and United Education Group

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“Sport is the greatest builder of social skills“ - Clinton Lamprecht

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